


My Love Is Where You Are

by sparkinside (boomersoonerash)



Series: 25 Days of Ficmas [1]
Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: 25 Days of Fic-mas, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bittersweet, Conversations, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fatherhood, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Middle of Everywhere Era, NaNoWriMo 2017, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-09 02:30:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12878277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomersoonerash/pseuds/sparkinside
Summary: Zac and Cecily talk about his past with Taylor and then Zac has a chat with Taylor himself.





	My Love Is Where You Are

**Author's Note:**

> Day 1 of 25.  
> Prompt: Her Lips Were Frozen

Frowning as he stood at the sink in the kitchen, his gaze on his daughter instead of the dishes he should be doing, Zac shook his head. He wished that Cecily would just talk to him because it had been weeks of her acting weird around him.

Ever since she had come back to California from visiting her grandparents in Oklahoma for the summer. Maybe Zac was regretting letting her go, afraid that somehow his parents had turned Cecily against him. He knew it was just lingering doubts about his parents even now, after all this time.

Even with them coming around to everything that had happened though it had taken Taylor dying for that to happen. But something had to have happened. There was no other reason why his twelve year old daughter was giving him the silent treatment or what felt like one.

This sucked because it had always just been him and Cess since Taylor died. Minus the few years he had dated Carrick. That had ended when Cecily had been nine and now it was just them again because he didn't want to get Cecily attached to another man just to have them leave again without warning.

Carrick had done that to them and, in a way, Taylor had too.

Sighing, Zac looked away from the window and finished the dishes in silence. He wiped his hands on a dish towel after he was done and made his way outside to where his daughter was still on the back porch eating her ice cream.

Zac knew she probably shouldn't be eating ice cream before her bedtime but he had never been the best parent at enforcing rules. That had been Taylor for the brief time he had raised Cecily with Zac.

"You okay Cess?" Zac questioned as he sat down beside the girl who very much reminded him of Taylor except with brown eyes.

Cecily turned her head as she looked at Zac warily. Zac seeing, just from the look on her face, she looked torn. Maybe she wanted to tell him what was wrong but was afraid. So with that knowledge, he let a hand rest on her back.

"You know you can tell me anything Cess," Zac told her as they locked eyes. Hoping that she heard the honesty in his tone.

He always wanted her to feel like she could talk to him about anything. Not be like how his own parents had been once upon a time.

Heaving a sigh Cecily looked away from Zac. "How could...I mean...Taylor was your brother right?" she asked Zac and Zac didn't even flinch when she called Taylor by his own name.

Mainly because she had stopped referring to Taylor as her dad a few years back. They had a long conversation over it and he had told her it was okay for her to call Taylor by his name just as long as she knew he was her real father, regardless of Zac raising her and the fact that his name was on her birth certificate.

"Yeah he is my brother," Zac confirmed hating to refer to Taylor in past tense. Taylor would always still be a huge part of his life and regardless of death they were brothers. Always would be bound by that and the intense love they had shared even if it had been taboo.

After his confession, Cecily fell silent at that another conflicted look on her face. This time Zac went silent too, wanting to give her time to process whatever it was she needed to ask or say to him about that fact.

When Cecily let out another sigh Zac figured that was her cue to letting him know she was going to say more.

"How could you be with him like you were then?" Cecily questioned with a raised eyebrow. Her brown eyes darker now. "How could you love him like that when it's wrong?"

Swallowing hard at his daughter's questions, it was Zac who looked away because, well, he hadn't been expecting them, even if he should have. She was getting older and she was going to form opinions and judgements about the life he had lead with Taylor.

Looking down briefly Zac ran a hand through his hair, "Because it felt right to us," he answered, not sure if it was the acceptable answer. "It may be wrong or against the law to some people but it felt right to us Cess. We loved each other in ways no one else could understand."

"In ways more than brothers?" Cecily asked but it came out more like a statement.

"In ways more than brothers," Zac confirmed with a nod of his head. "Does that bother you? What Taylor and I did?"

Cecily made a face as she nodded her head. "Sometimes," she answered and Zac frowned slightly even if he knew one day this was a possibility.

He had known it from the moment Taylor mentioned wanting a baby.

"I understand that Cess," Zac told her not wanting Cecily to think that he was mad at her. How could he be mad at her for having opinions? She was allowed them.

"Really?" Cecily mused sounding surprised. "I thought you'd be angry at me for how I felt."

Laughing Zac shook his head, "It's going to take a lot more than that to get me upset Cess. I'm just curious what made you bring it up now."

"Going to Tulsa and seeing pictures of you and Taylor. Hearing Grandma tell stories of you two growing up then getting to hang out with Ezra and realizing I'd find it weird if we had what you and Taylor had."

Again Zac let out a laugh, "It's not for everyone, trust me and it's okay to be weirded out by it. Just know that despite what we had we still loved you very much and we were both mentally sane," he spoke remembering a much harder time.

The time when they had been fighting for Cecily, a fight that only ended after Taylor had taken his own life.

"I never doubted your love for me," Cecily smiled and just her smile was enough to ease Zac some. "I knew you have the biggest heart around Dad, even if you're a bit crazy, so I might doubt how sane you've ever been," she laughed and her laugh got another from Zac.

A silence enveloping them as Cecily finished her ice cream and Zac just sat beside her. A part of him almost wished Taylor were here right now because, while he may have handled this situation, Taylor probably could have done it better.

"I know he loved me too," Cecily sighed bringing up the very person Zac had been thinking of. "I just wish sometimes he hadn't left me."

Swallowing a lump in his throat Zac reached out and brought Cecily into him. "I wish that too Cess," he muttered because he wished Taylor hadn't chosen to end his life all those years ago. Maybe blamed himself still for leaving that night.

Just walking away from Taylor when he was already low and making the comment he had about Cecily, Zac wondered if he had stayed if he could have spared Taylor's life.

"You'll never leave me though, right?" Cecily questioned and Zac shook his head as he once again swallowed a lump.

A part of him hated that she even had to ask him that. Of course he'd never leave her. She was the main thing that kept him going now and he'd never leave her.

"Never ever," Zac told her a smile on his lips when Cecily somehow moved up to kiss his cheek. A shiver running down his body because her lips were frozen still from the ice cream she had just eaten. "I love you too much to leave you Cecily Parker Hanson. You'll never lose me that easily."

"Good," Cecily smiled as well as she finally pulled away from Zac and stood up. "Because I'm never going to leave you either Dad," she told him before turning to head inside.

Zac only watched her as he stayed in his spot on the porch. His smile growing because he had lucked out when it came to daughters. He was sure because even if she had issues with what had happened between him and Taylor she still loved him.

She still wanted him to raise her and hadn't demanded to be shipped off to Tulsa where her grandparents were. In fact, she didn't want to lose him despite everything she knew.

"We raised a pretty good kid Tay," Zac spoke softly as he looked up at the sky wondering if wherever Taylor was that he could hear Zac.

Zac hoped he could because he wanted Taylor to know Cecily had turned out right, despite it all.

"I think she'll be okay despite us being her dads," Zac laughed as he shook his head before standing up as well.

Knowing he needed to get inside and make sure Cecily was getting ready for bed. She may be twelve now, but he did believe in a reasonable bedtime. Especially since school was now back in session.


End file.
